Conflict Jujitsu

FCBR is proud to offer
Conflict Jujitsu ®

For the first time in history, this valuable class will be presented with 16 CEs to all Real Estate Professionals in Northern Colorado


Think of conflict as energy. Think of American style boxing. How is the energy of the opponent handled? The energy is absorbed hurtfully in the form of a landed blow or it is blocked or it is dissipated by ducking the punch. In no way is the opponent’s energy used in a constructive manner.

After the opponent finishes his barrage of punches, the object is to counter-punch. Punch / counter-punch, captures the essence of American style boxing. Unfortunately, this also captures the essence of many everyday conflicts. Barb / counter-barb. Insult /counter-insult.

Now, consider the way the opponent’s energy is handled in the martial arts. The energy is not squandered but is channeled and redirected to throw the opponent off balance. The goal is to through the other off balance remembering that what is done to the opponent while he is off balance speaks to the character of the practitioner.

CONFLICT JUJITSU® mimics the martial arts in its use of energy. CONFLICT JUJITSU® seeks to harness the energy of conflict and to ethically turn the other person’s energy towards finding a mutually beneficial solution.


CONFLICT JUJITSU® is broken into six components. These six components taken together provide
a framework for engagement in productive conflict. Following, is a brief description of each component:
• Get Quiet: By getting quiet we increase our ability to choose an appropriate response to
provocation. We neither cower nor give “the best speech we will ever regret.” We strive to be
response-able rather than reactive. We understand the way our brain is wired to work in conflict
and use that knowledge to our advantage. We don’t escalate the conflict by infusing our own
energy too soon.

  • Listen to Understand: We listen carefully with all our senses and rephrase the message we have
    heard. This gives the other person a chance to correct any misperception we have about their
    meaning. Additionally this allows the other person to hear themselves and perhaps learn their
    own problems as they speak. Listening in this way is not just about being nice… It is strategic. We
    are rewarded through this discipline by gaining invaluable insight into the other person.
  • Get Curious: The underlying real issues are often hidden. As we get curious, we look past smoke
    screens, past bluster, past fronts, to uncover the real driving issues in the conflict. We come to
    learn that anger is a secondary emotion and become curious about the emotions that may be
    preceding the other’s anger.
  • Get Creative Together: Whenever possible it is best to create solutions with the other person.
    When the other person has a stake in the solution compliance is more likely and the agreement
    will be more durable.
  • Speak Smart: There are times when others violate organizational values and expectations. In
    mediocre organizations accountability is lacking. When others misbehave and violate our trust we
    need to hold them accountable courageously and with skill. The key is to do so with honesty and
    tact. This is the central element of speaking smart.
  • Get Vulnerable: This really means being open to the possibility that we might be wrong. We must
    look in the mirror and hold ourselves accountable first. This is not an act of weakness but rather
    evidence of personal strength. Our own ability to be wrong invites others to admit their own
    mistakes and likewise open themselves to us. Our openness has the potential of building trust and
    a sense of safety in others. When people feel safe productive conflict becomes possible.


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